How I Suffered From Clinical Depression and Came Back From It

by Myrko Thum, Germany

“King Solomon once searched for a cure against depression. He assembled his wise men together. They meditated for a long time and gave him the following advice: Make yourself a ring and have thereon engraved the words “This too shall pass”. The King carried out the advice. He had the ring made and wore it constantly. Every time he felt sad and depressed, he looked at the ring, whereon his mood would change and he would feel cheerful.” (The Story of King Solomon)

This is a very personal post today.I want to share one of the darkest periods of my 34 years of life so far. It was the time when I was studying and when I suffered from a clinical depression or major depressive disorder. It was an extremely difficult and numbing time but it taught me a lot and I came out of it pretty strong.

My intent is to show what I have learned from it, how I came out of it and to inspire people who think they are in a hopeless situation right now.

The Event

I started university when I was 18 years old, right after school. When I just turned 19 I suffered a strange event right after a tennis match. It started with sight-problems, I lost the ability to see at the focus point of my sight, I could see everything around it, but the very point I was looking at in the center became blank. Then I lost the ability to speak the words that I wanted to speak, I still could think them, but when I opened my mouth it was pretty weird stuff. My friends around me laughed at first and I got pretty uneasy … If you are 19 years old, if you are any age and something like this hits you, it scares the hell out of you. Besides of that I got a tickling feeling in my left arm and leg. I lay down for a while and it lessened in degree. I could see and speak again the next day. Yet the creepy tickling stayed for a while and altogether I felt pretty disturbed …

Until today I’m not quite sure what it was exactly and doctors could not find too much. I think it was a circulatory disorder in the brain or even a minor stroke. Even when I am writing about this today, I still have a very strange feeling and body-sensations about it.

Unfortunately that event was the starting point downhill. I searched for answers to this really unpleasant experience. As a 19 year old you really are not very easy about your body breaking down like this without any warning. My mind went desperately looking for answers. So I went to my doctor in the hope of competent help and some reasonable explanations. I could not have gotten more disappointed with the approach of my doc, even the other one in the medical office did some very nice measuring of blood pressure and telling me some easy-going story. In my state of anxiety and uncertainty I really was not happy with that kind of treatment. I mean I lost the ability to see and speak for half a day. I don’t think this is properly examined by measuring blood pressure?!? Still I needed explanations why my body ceased to obey my orders so completely. The doc transferred me to a physicist who tried all kind of equipment on my cardiovascular system. Nice move! … but really not so helpful for my psyche at this time. At this point I wanted to have my neurological functions checked out and also to see if there is any brain damage, because I felt worse with time. My parents also seemed unable to help in any way. So it begins to dawn in me that there really is nobody there who understands anything, including me …


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