Written by: Reva Steenbergen
I am a survivor of controlling, narcissistic domestic abuse and still learning everyday, making mistakes and learning from my weird experience.
My goal is to raise awareness of this form of abuse and Stockholm Syndrome in Relationships which compels so many to remain with their abuser.
Many forms of control are used by a narcissistic abuser and drawing from 16 years of it, I intend to share my knowledge as I am still recovering from my experiences. I feel as if when I make strides, I realize I have much to learn. So I will give myself 1 year to go through the motions of recovery and gaining more and more insight as the days pass.
I have been caught up in this weird cycle of control, and basically remained there. The narcissistic abuser is now done with me and tossed my carcass out in the wind as he dangles my daughter in front of me.
One of twin daughters is with a narcissistic abuser and has been alienated from me. I have been trying to get through to her as she has been calling me a whore, bitch, slut, low life piece of shit, mimicking the words of the narcissistic abuser. She has been completely brainwashed and alienated to the point where I cannot reach her anymore. I have come to understand I need to back off (14 year old) as she is the only tool left to control me and for her to be strung by the narcissistic abuser and people he assembles to further his hate and revenge towards me, only continues the more I try to reach out to her.
She is too young to be put in this position as well.
So I sit quietly now, letting God handle this as I have to cut off ALL contact with the narcissist and finally realize that I have been dealing with a psychopath all along.
My other twin daughter and son are with me, long story, but sufficed to say narcissistic abuser will continue to try to manipulate the situation so they will to be drawn to him. That has not happened, and by the Grace of God it won’t.
Healing has been tough, but I am getting through it. He seeks revenge and considers me responsible for his downfalls. I have dealt with years of his interrogations, accusations, delusions, feeling of grandeur, manipulation, scheming, stalking, lack of empathy, controlling and vicious behaviour.
I now realize so much more and am understanding how to let go of this type of control, which I have recently made peace with. I am learning so much about myself during my time of healing. I am a babe in the woods going through this journey of getting myself back after being viciously torn down and destroyed.
My abuse started in 1996 with a total stranger who began his pursuit on me, and within a couple weeks an accidental pregnancy my psychotic experience with a narcissistic abuser began. I am not perfect, but don’t need to be, as no one deserves to be treated the way I have!
There are so many types of abuse, all horrible and painful to deal with, and I cant say to you what you should or shouldn’t feel. I have discovered many answers to my questions through this journey of narcissistic abuse, and realize I was dealing with a psychopath.
Then 10 months ago discovered STOCKHOLM SYNDROME IN RELATIONSHIPS and hence found the answer as to what I had been going through for so many years, regarding why how I got there and why I stayed.
This is not the answer for all as some women are violently attacked and remain as they fear being killed, which is a whole other feeling and set of circumstances.
I am not an angel but I am an empath who makes her fair share of mistakes. I have suffered emotional, physical and mental damage as a result of this and many other traumatic situations in life.
I am in a whole brand new place of finally being free in my spirit to properly heal, and as such I am in counseling and learning about myself at the same time, as I myself have issues to deal with. As I learn I will share and keep updating this section with new discoveries.
I encourage everyone to take a few moments and read this important article. Getting over abuse is a long, strange journey with many twists and turns, but at some point you reach a revelation and it is then your life will become your own again and full recovery begins..
As well when people have the general comment “I would never stay if someone hit me or treated me like shit, why would these women stay? makes no sense to me” If this sounds like you, then once you read the article below you will gain a greater understanding and knowledge is power 🙂