What do you do when a situation is the most positive of experiences, but your not equipped to deal with spot light or praise?
I’ve mentally beat myself up for so many years now that I don’t know any different.
I recently attended an awards ceremony where I was one of three nominees for an award that evening.
When I got the call I was happy, but not overly joyed, some friends and family said I should have been ‘overjoyed’ ‘ecstatic’ ‘over the moon’ etc.. but really, it was just ‘OK’.
I put the phone down , told my fiancée who was very pleased and carried on with what I was doing. That was normal for me, don’t get to happy, don’t get too down… Try to stay level. If I get excited, I’ll panic if I get sad, I’ll think and panic. So my place has been in the middle which kind of makes me wonder: Am I boring? Am I really living? Or just getting by? Does my fiancée think these things bout me?! She has recently mentioned that I seem very grumpy and quiet .. Ohh Fuck!!! Not what you really want to hear, but accepted and I’m working on it. It really isn’t meant.
Anyway, I took my best mate to the awards evening as my fiancée was stuck at work. To explain a little, my mate is a positive person, he’s like a real life Peter Pan, he will never ever go a day without laughter! And will do his best to brighten up the darkest of situations, a good man and a dear friend. Continue reading
First of all, apologies as I haven’t written a blog for a while. It’s down to a few reasons, work family also, I have been reading a few blogs and social media (tweets, Facebook posts) .
Everybody has their own unique way of writing and telling their stories which is amazing, it’s really helpful and takes some bottle to really open up and tell all, I have total respect to you all and thank you.
While reading them, I can see myself in most but also get why there is this stigma (which is bollocks). I tried to read from a neutral point of view and read every word as though I’d never struggled with anxiety attacks and mental health issues due to them. The words , the sentences they seem fictional!! Even though I know that they are 100% true, a ‘normal’ person reading them will think that we are lying. But why would people make things up? I write not to scare sufferers, I do not lie, I just want to let people know that it is ok, EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT!! I’m willing to tell you what goes on in my head and my life to try and help if you want to talk about or read it.
The help is great, can’t fault the blogs, however I’m going to talk about an incident, one like no other has made me think about people and my mental illness.
During the years, I must admit…. Even though the panic/anxiety has been crippling and I would not wish it upon my worst enemy, there have been some stories to tell. I cringed at the time, but when we (I mean close friends and family) talk about it them, laughter comes of it.
Which can only be good?
When I was about 25, the attacks were in full flow, I could not be left alone , never!! As you know , I was desperate , dependant on everyone and anyone. Selfishly struggling through that part of my life.
Personal Ways I Cope – HOBBIES
To Help Me With My Panic Attacks About Death, I have found over the years hobbies / projects that help me cope also along with the page “panic attacks – coping”.
Written by: http://www.allinyourhead.co.uk/
When days become your night time and night becomes your day time, unless you are working a permanent night shift, there is a problem.
The anxiety/panic had become so bad, I could only sleep when I was surrounded by familiar faces and voices. In my mind, there was theory.
I’m a happy person generally, always game for a laugh and a joke , love a giggle and have to see people smile.
However, I was having attacks so frequently that my mind was set on the next one being ‘the one’ to finish me.
So my thinking was, ‘if it is going to happen, why don’t I die while the sun shines, where I can see or here my family rather than just sneak off in the dark of the night with nothing but silence and not having any happiness…?’ A very odd way of thinking for a man in his twenties?! I’d imagine me thinking of it in my eighties or nineties or possibly not at all. I had planned where when and how (heart attack) I was going to die!
I have never told anyone this but it gave me some sort of comfort.
By Elena Peters
In many ways, my marriage is no different than anyone else’s marriage. This is the second marriage for both my husband and I. We both have children from previous marriages. We both have ex-spouses that are still involved in our lives on a daily basis. We have extended families with varied backgrounds, sprinkled all around the world. We have jobs and mortgages and commitments that pull us in all sorts of directions.
Just like any other marriage, there are things that bug me!
My husband leaves the toilet seat up, doesn’t put the cap back on the toothpaste and leaves dishes around the house like he’s expecting the maid to pick up after him. We don’t have one. I guess he thinks that’s me. We have disagreements about finances and children. See, just like the rest, except for one difference: my husband has Bipolar Disorder Type 1.
by Myrko Thum, Germany
“King Solomon once searched for a cure against depression. He assembled his wise men together. They meditated for a long time and gave him the following advice: Make yourself a ring and have thereon engraved the words “This too shall pass”. The King carried out the advice. He had the ring made and wore it constantly. Every time he felt sad and depressed, he looked at the ring, whereon his mood would change and he would feel cheerful.” (The Story of King Solomon)
This is a very personal post today.I want to share one of the darkest periods of my 34 years of life so far. It was the time when I was studying and when I suffered from a clinical depression or major depressive disorder. It was an extremely difficult and numbing time but it taught me a lot and I came out of it pretty strong.
My intent is to show what I have learned from it, how I came out of it and to inspire people who think they are in a hopeless situation right now.
by Kurt Cunningham
I tried to end my life one night after having a wonderful fun-filled evening with friends. It was in November 2012 — I had a plan in place for months. Not one person had any idea what I was planning to do.
After a series of life-changing events that began in 2009 and included the closing my once- successful business of nine years, and culminated with the death of my mother in August 2012 life just seemed unbearable to me. My finances were a mess. My health wasn’t great. And I couldn’t make a romantic relationship last more than a few months.
Being broke and having depression go hand-in-hand. I’m really sick of it. Even if money can’t buy happiness, it can buy basic necessities like food and shelter. It’s pretty hard to be happy without those things. I need more money, but my symptoms of depression make finding a job really difficult.
While the average person in their twenties focuses on building a resume, I’ve been focused on surviving my depression. Instead of attending post-secondary school, I’ve been in depression treatment, learning about my own experiences and how to cope in everyday life. Living with depression is a full time job.
If you are a friend or relative of a loved one with mental illness, you too suffer the effects of the disorder. Burn out, compassion fatigue, hopelessness and feelings of powerlessness can go hand in hand while accompanying someone on their journey of recovery. As much as the struggle is theirs; it’s yours as well. You, as a personal caregiver are equally if not more vulnerable to burnout as those who are in the helping professions. Caregiver burnout: not just a sporadic weekend of feeling overwhelmed and overtired, but an unrelenting fatigue and emotional exhaustion which forces hundreds of people to take extended periods of time off work. Preventing this emotional and physical collapse is essential in order to remain effective in helping your loved one and saving your own sanity (literally).