What do you do when a situation is the most positive of experiences, but your not equipped to deal with spot light or praise? I’ve mentally beat myself up for so many years now that I don’t know any different. I recently attended an awards ceremony where I was one of three nominees for an award that evening. When I got the call I was happy, but not overly joyed, some friends and family said I should have been ‘overjoyed’ ‘ecstatic’ ‘over the moon’ etc.. but really, it was just ‘OK’. I put the phone down , told my fiancée who was veryRead More → First of all, apologies as I haven’t written a blog for a while. It’s down to a few reasons, work family also, I have been reading a few blogs and social media (tweets, Facebook posts) . Everybody has their own unique way of writing and telling their stories which is amazing, it’s really helpful and takes some bottle to really open up and tell all, I have total respect to you all and thank you. While reading them, I can see myself in most but also get why there is this stigma (which is bollocks). I tried to read from a neutral point ofRead More →

During the years, I must admit…. Even though the panic/anxiety has been crippling and I would not wish it upon my worst enemy, there have been some stories to tell. I cringed at the time, but when we (I mean close friends and family) talk about it them, laughter comes of it. Which can only be good? When I was about 25, the attacks were in full flow, I could not be left alone , never!! As you know , I was desperate , dependant on everyone and anyone. Selfishly struggling through that part of my life.Read More →   Giving in can be a hard option. I’ve read a load of quotes paragraphs even heard people say that ‘quitting is an easy way out’ I don’t see it that way at times, I think some people jump on a bandwagon and without thinking of what is being quoted to them, they go with it. It instantly takes away that argument that you have with yourself when questioning something, which is in fact ‘the easy option’. The amount of happy, friendly, enjoyable environments I have taken myself out of because of quitting is no ones business, but I’ve felt far worse for doingRead More → What is ‘Normal’ ? Is it the way in which a person who is more outspoken than another saying how you should live your life? Telling you how you should react to certain circumstances, situations or aspects of life? It could even be in the way that you eat your food! I have seen Indian families eat curry and rice with their bare hands, no cutlery in sight. Chinese families eat with chopsticks. British families eat with cutlery…. But still, it’s just eating food. We all need it to live. So who or what is ‘Normal’ in those instances then? We all do whatRead More →

by One experience in my journey through this mental illness is probably the most difficult to explain. I do not know if anyone can relate (please comment if you do) but I’m sure there are millions out there who have. Is that feeling just when you feel that sensation of a big bad panic/anxiety attack nothing at all seems to be real, everything stops while you mutter the words ‘Ohh Fuck’. What can save me???? I don’t know if that makes sense, but I will hold on to anything or anyone physically grip it/them and I cannot let go!Read More →

Written by: When days become your night time and night becomes your day time, unless you are working a permanent night shift, there is a problem. The anxiety/panic had become so bad, I could only sleep when I was surrounded by familiar faces and voices. In my mind, there was theory. I’m a happy person generally, always game for a laugh and a joke , love a giggle and have to see people smile. However, I was having attacks so frequently that my mind was set on the next one being ‘the one’ to finish me. So my thinking was, ‘if it is goingRead More →

Written by:   Most attacks I can deal with these days,the thoughts the slight physical symptoms , they are ok…well not ok, but I’ve learned how to cope over time if you know what I mean. The problem I get is when that huge sensation comes on and I don’t feel comfortable enough to tell anyone what is going on. Because of the dependency I built up with those closest, work is not the kind of place where you want to be crying and clinging onto someone your not at all comfortable with ! How do you tell them???Read More →